It's not something that happens everyday

Elsevier Australia insisted on bestowing Professor-hood to me. I chose my normal title at least 4 times before completing the purchase for the my third pharmacy related book since 2006.

Crazy exam question

In my opinion, any exam question is crazy. I think the whole concept of exam is crazy. It makes people go crazy with stress and do crazy things like getting up at 3.15 am to study until 5 am and then go back to sleep just to get up at 6 am to have breakfast and back to study again.

Or at least that was what I thought was crazy until I was shown this exam question by the Alarmist. Note that this is a first year dental science exam question.

Imagine you are an animal who live on land and eats a diet composed of dry grass & roots. How does your dentition, jaw & tooth structure help you live?

What was the examiner smoking when he/she dreamt up this question was what I thought after I finished laughing at the question. This question inspired me to rewrite one question I got last year for Physiology.
"Imagine you are a sperm that is being made. Describes the various conditions of the various environments you are/will be in until you reach the egg. Include in your answer the various mechanisms and muscles that help propel you out of the male reproductive tract."

I guess hilarious questions call for equally hilarious answers. After all, the examiner did ask the students to imagine themselves to be some animals. Here's an excerpt of the Alarmist's answer. The hilarity wears off after a few paragraphs.

I live on land and eat a diet composed of grass and roots, therefore this is clearly reflected in my dentition jaws and tooth structure.
Because grass is relatively low in nutrients, I need to eat a lot. I need a large manible to hold all my large teeth.
Eating grass involves a great deal of grinding and lateral movements, therefore I need large massetlers and large rami where these muscles insert

And here I am thinking that "funny tertiary textbook" is an oxymoron

Yeah, some tertiary textbook authors have some sense of humour after all. Now I can die happy knowing that there's a textbook that's got at least one paragraph that makes me smile. Excerpt from Rang & Dale's Pharmacology (can't be bothered with the correct referencing stuff right now)

Adhesion to endothelium and migration into the tissue follow a pattern similar to that of the neutrophils, although monocyte chemotaxis utilises additional chemokines, such as MCP-1 (which, reasonably enough, stands for monocyte chemoattractant protein - 1) and RANTES (which very unreasonably stands for Regulated on Activation Normal T-cell Expressed and Secreted - immonological nonmenclature has excelled itself here!)

That's some seriously funny stuff right there or maybe my sense of humour is defected after a few hours of reading the damn book.

Is this supposed to be funny? Coz I'm laughing.

Why am I laughing, well, you would to if I had a better camera with me and/or there was no one around so I could approach the car and take a close up picture of the plate. And I'm also laughing at the illegal parking. Anyway, the plate reads "GAY TOY" and the car is a pick-up truck. Why do I feel the need to tell a bad lesbian in pick-up truck joke?

Completely unrelated, this is the 300th post on the blog. I never thought this blog would live to see the 300th post.

This blog seems to be attracting an unhealthy number of unsuspecting individuals who spend an unhealthful amount of their time googling for pussy

Just an observation after looking at the search terms break down for last week. I won't bore you with all the actual terms that people have been searching (psst: you can read all about them on the "Weird shit people search for but get this site instead" box at the bottom of the page). Really I don't have anyone to blame but these people:

1. Google - for crawling through hundreds of thousands of blogs & sites each day and dutifully spit out links to sites that mention "pussy" somewhere.
2. Sick people - who go search for weird sick shit.
3. And last but not least the internet for uniting sick people and google together.

And possibly, remotely: myself for posting shits like this post and the "weird shit people search for but get this site instead" box.

However, in defence of the "Weird shit ..." box, some of the search terms are quite hilarious and I don't know how they could have gotten my page with those terms. My favourites include (don't laugh at me for the wrong spellings, those are all direct quotes):

• random acts of bling saracastic
• beastly hips
• gay masters plan for slave hiv conversion
• "bdsm" "feeling of inadequacy"

What happens when anyone can write a dictionary entry

Hilarious chaos, that what happens. I was at Urban Dictionary today, intended to look up a word but ended up looking through some hilarious definitions. I never knew the term "Pussycat dolls" means "A group of whores who have destroyed any hope of raising children who won't grow up to be strippers" or the term "paris hilton" has as many meanings as:

(1) in physiology, to have an unusually small gluteus maximus
(2) hips unable to bear children
(3) jaundice
(4) anorexia
(5) a person who is only attractive to another person (sexually or no) for their ability to dress like a skank and their daddy's money (pimp or biological)
(6) no intellectual ability whatsoever
(7) ex girlfriend of and ex boy band member
(8) someone who features prominently on internet porn
(9) a person who does not worry about money ie. i person who buys excessive amounts of designer labels in order to be fashionable
(10) what is affectionately known of as a pub skank, white hair, orange skin and pointy features and who wears skirts that double as belts and stillettos that drill holes in concrete floors...
(11) fucking annoying

This is the best dictionary ever, contributors even give you examples of how you can use the terms. For instance, here's the example for the term "paris hilton" above:

She had a pair of paris hiltons, her first baby had a squashed head, her second had a bad case of paris hilton, and her third developed paris hilton syndrome in her teens. luckily she was a paris hilton, but some found her very fucking paris hilton.

I never knew a "Celine Dion" is "the only thing for which most Canadians apologize to America for on a daily basis" either. Or "Fergie" is both a noun and a verb as in:

1. (to be a Fergie) To be the token white girl or boy in a group of black origin. (not just in a musical context)

2. (to pull a Fergie) To think you can sing, yet when faced with a live performance, the other members have to keep you afloat because you're so bad.

3. (to be a Fergie) To be dog-ugly, really, actually look like a dog.

4. (to Fergie on) To completely destroy the credibility and respect a group once had or replace a greater former member (s).

1. Why the fuck is she hanging with us? We a black crew, she the only white girl, what a fuckin' Fergie!

2. Did you see Ciara perform "Goodies" last night? Damn, the girl hot as, but she pulled a Fergie fo sho!

3. I was nearly sick! She a Fergie if I ever saw one!

4. I used to be feelin' Destiny's Child, but Michelle just Fergied on them.

Oh well, you know the saying that goes something along the lines of you learn something new everyday.

This just goes to show me that people are opinionated creatures. We might not want to confront other people to their faces but we really love to have our opinion known. And reading other people arguing with one another over whose opinion is right is always fun. Take the "divided" opinion of the online world on Metacritic over Kevin Federline's debut album for instance. The album itself is infamous on Metacritic, it's the album that scores the lowest mark ever in Metacritic's short history. What drew me to read about it is the users' ratings and comments. Here's a screenshot of the most entertaining comments (click for bigger view):
I need to go off the topic here for a minute to say this: I hate people who don't spell correctly. You can say that I'm a bit anal about spellings. If you can't spell correctly, at the very least use Firefox. It's got spell checking, it's small and it's free.

Ok, back to the topic. Not everyone gave it a big fat red zero though. Look who's giving it a nice green 10.
But then Mr. Federline himself came back up and gave this glowing review:
Britney Spears also came back up and gave this updated review (probably after signing the divorce papers, shaving off her hair and joining a cult. Not necessarily in the order I typed out)
Which is what I ask myself every single time I read comments on blog posts from other people's blogs (I'd love to say from my blog also but, reality check, I don't get any comments). I guess you'll never know what other people's gonna type these days, as long as you have an internet connection and can speak and write English (to an extent considering the amount of wrong spellings on comments and blog posts these days) you can make your onion opinion known.

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Bonus Links:
More definitions on Paris Hilton, Pussycat Dolls, Avril Lavigne, Celine Dion, Fergie.
More hilarious user reviews for K-Fed's "Playing with fire"

Book browsing

I went to see "Ocean's Thirteen" yesterday however, the movie wasn't the highlight of the evening. It was the time spent in Borders waiting and browsing books that was more interesting. I ended up buying 2 CDs and found 2 books that look quite promising. The first one is "God is not great" by Christopher Hitchens. The other one is "The Atheist Manifesto" by Michel Onfray. What's with the religion bashing books huh? I didn't buy any of those since I still haven't quite finished "The God delusion" yet.

Another book that caught my attention was "Everybody Hurts: An Essential Guide to Emo Culture". It almost won the 'what the f*** book of the day' award had it not been for the metal clad bible I saw 5 minutes later. The guide to emo culture book is really a guide to emo culture. I thought it was satirical but no, it's a straight and narrow guide to how to be cool and yet so uncool at the same time. What I can say about that is, make up your damn mind. Do you want to be cool or uncool?

While we're still on the topic of emo. Let me introduce you to Emo Google. It's Google with an all black emo finish. It gives you the exact results as the normal Google, (sorry, no emo related search results yet) with the benefit of a seriously ugly black background on the main page to hurt your eyeballs and visual cortex.


The metal bible however was hilarious. So much so that I had to take some pictures of it.
The obvious question that popped into my head when I saw these metallic beauties above was "What can you possibly do with a metal bible?". I came up with an answer for that as well. Imagine this:

You are a proud owner of metal bible, you love it so much you bring it with you everywhere because really, you like to have a bible with you at all time and a normal leather bound volume can't withstand the stress and strain of being bounced around in your bag with mobile phones and all the other unholy modern crap like coins, keys and credit cards (but seriously, don't bring it with you all the time, the bible alone is heavy enough, add the extra hard metal cover it's as heavy as a four 30-gig ipods). One day you encounter a mugging and you decided that you will dissuade the mugger to give up his evil deeds by some cleverly chosen passages from your metal clad bible. (In my honest opinion, you gotta be crazy to think that but hey there are some crazy people running around all the time). But surprise surprise the mugger doesn't appreciate old sacred writ and turns the knife on you instead. What are you gonna do now? You have the perfect weapon in your hand. If holy words can't dissuade the mugger, heavy metal applied straight to the head can at least knock him out and give you enough time to run.


This is a shot of the back of said bible. Strange how people say that you can find answers in the bible. I was at a crossroad of sort the other day during my exam. I was stuck on one question: Is Atenolol a beta agonist or is it a beta antagonist. I went home and try to look that up in the bible, guess what? It doesn't give out that sort of answer, it doesn't even give you any direction to where you can find the answer. I propose that we change the saying that "answers can be found in the bible" to "relatively reliable answers can be found on Wikipedia" instead.

the funniest shit I've found so far

Oh god, can there be anything funnier than love god's way? It's a Christian site against what's "bad" (read can potentially turn your kids gay) on the internet.

What started me laughing was CHOPS. CHOPS stands for Christian Homosexuals On Painkillers, just joking, CHOPS stands for Changing Homosexuals into Ordinary People. My take on the abbreviation makes more sense than the actual name I reckon. But anyhow, the band name cracked me up so bad. But that's not what makes this site so fun.

The laugh continued as I read their "gay bands" list. According to this list I might be gay just because I listen to the following bands/artists: Rufus Wainwright, Tegan and Sara, Metallica, Panic! At the Disco...

The list cracked me up and the way they justify the list cracked me up even more

Elton John(really gay)

Britney Spears(kissed Madonna)

The Cure (makeup)

Ted Nugent (loincloth)

George Michael (texan)

Marilyn Manson (dark gay)

The Spores (endorse suicide)

Jesus, you make the list just because you wear loincloth instead of pants?? And what the hell is dark gay? Since the "gay list" was such a hoot, I went on to the "safe list" and they've got one of my favourite bands in the safe list: The Dresden Dolls. Now I'm confused, The Cure and The Spores are blacklisted because they wear makeup and endorse suicide how come The Dresden Dolls are on the safe list?

Have these people listened to any of the Dresden Dolls' songs or even seen a picture of the band ever?

Yes, they're wearing makeup. Run kids coz they're gonna turn you gay.

After I finished laughing, I started thinking. I think that this website is a big fat joke on the Christian folks. Really, they've got this quote from Oscar Wilde on their page. Everybody knows that Oscar Wilde is as gay as [insert name of the gayest person you know]. And they claim that he's a "reformed homosexual". I don't know about the reformed bit though. All I know is, he got thrown in jail for being gay, lost his money and all that, when he got out of jail he was practically bankrupt, then he died 2 years later. My point is, people remember Oscar Wilde as that gay author who got thrown into jail, and not as an ex-gay.

A closer look at the list gives me more doubts about this site. They've got Eminem on the gay list and Eminem is homophobic. Or at least I think it's Eminem, they've got Eminmen on the list instead of Eminem.

But then they've got some bands right though. I know this girl who were straight in year 12 and she's the biggest fan of Queen I know of. She was gay last year. I used the past tense because she might have been just trying to get her "university experience". You know girls usually turn gay when they're in uni and then turn straight when they finish uni. I've never felt that urge if you're thinking about asking.

I'm not angry

I've just realized that I've been quite angry this week but that couldn't be helped. I didn't just wake up and decided that I'd be angry that I'd be angry that day. It just happened that a few things pissed me off this week.

However I'm through with being angry, at least for today. How can I be angry when I've just climbed up to my chair after having fallen off it in a fit of laughter?

Yup, I've just finished rolling around the floor laughing my ass off and that's the best cure for pissedum offus. I found the list of worst company URLs and man, I haven't laughed this hard for ages.

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs

Attn: Entrepreneurs
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

You can find the original post plus more hilarious stuffs at Independent Sources
Hope you like it as much as I did. Gee, www.penisland.net. That cracks me up every time.