Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What happened in Ballarat, the lessons learned

Here I go getting the story on record as vague as I can. For the tell-all version, you'll have to find my other blog which I doubt you can so you're gonna have to make do with this version.

On the scale of unpleasantness writing a blog post right now is slightly a little less unpleasant than studying. On the same scale of unpleasantness, I don't know where the whole 3 weeks of Ballarat would be. It depends on what side of the bed I get up on each day. My feelings regarding those 3 weeks range from rather bleak to "hey it's over" (which is such a cop-out kind of feeling).

The worst of it was finding out what you thought about a certain situation/place/person was fucking spot-on. Somehow confirmation of what was in my head, the absolute worst thing that I thought could happen, actually made it worst. I tend to think in a sort of worst-case scenarios so when slightly less-bad scenarios happen I can at least say to myself "well, at least it's not the worst thing that can happen". I thought if the worst-case scenarios ever become reality I would say, in my usual outwardly nonchalance, to myself "hey, you've lived through the worst, there's nothing worse", except, maybe, that happening again.

  • Lesson learned no. 1: do not ever try to confirm the worst.

If you know me, I'm not a big fan of confrontations. I don't go looking for them, I ignore them if they pop up, I even go as far as accepting responsibility even if it isn't actually my fault. All in the name of keeping the peace. On a good day when I'm puffed full of my own importance I would say I was being noble. On a bad day I would say I was being a coward. On a normal day I would not acknowledge that I have two rather polarised positions on the same issue, which, unsurprisingly and ironically enough, brings us back to my avoidance of confrontations even self-confrontations.

  • Lesson learned no. 2: be less noble or grow a spine, start looking out for your own interests instead of other people's.

This is kinda related to lesson no. 1 and 2 for that matter, I had a recent conversation with a friend whereupon the questions "When did you realise that a certain situation/person can be like that? Didn't you already suspect that something like that can happen?" were asked. My replies to those would be "a long time ago" and "yeah". What I thought was only my opinion and people's opinions can differ greatly. Fuck it, even my own opinions on the same thing can differ greatly. I usually shelf my opinion until someone else voiced a similar view. I don't know why I need to validate my own opinion that way. Maybe it's because I'm not quite comfortable with feelings that are not the norm. Or maybe I just don't want to think the worst of every situation/person, I'm already cynical, I don't need to be more cynical.

  • Lesson learned no. 3: what you feel is absolutely perfect even if it's not the norm.

In regards to the lessons learned, I think that the whole trip was quite illuminating, how else are you gonna learn if you don't make a mess of it? The same cannot be said for lesson no. 4 which I did learn in those 3 weeks.

  • Lesson learned no. 4: I don't think I've been doing number 2 correctly.

There, I hope this post explains something or maybe nothing, I know it doesn't really tell you what happened and there's the whole introspective self-centred ramblings going on (introverts are self-centred I tell ya, all the things that are wrong have got to have something to do with them) but that's all you're gonna get here.

No comments yet


Label Cloud

3vil"s shared items in Google Reader

Weird shit people search for but get this site instead

  • wasatch bdsm
  • i figured out my boy problems :)
  • general hole pussypics
  • Which one of avril's songs inspired a movie idea?
  • time to die when overdosing on paracetmol
  • avril lavigne's pussy pics
  • "brown urine" dog
  • "bdsm" "feeling of inadequacy"
  • pee+vid
  • gay masters plan for slave hiv conversion
  • what are the booobs
  • fairy tale porn
  • blow nose and bloody snot
  • pics of my little sisters pussy
  • saLES STRESS funny
  • SHIT
  • longest penis
  • random acts of bling saracastic
  • beastly hips
  • adult fairy tales
  • video of snogging
  • sexy fairy tales
  • pictures of the disney princesses naked