3 down, 2 more to go

I'm extremely relieved and relaxed at the moment. After days of having sudden panic attack every time I read a past exam question, having finished the 3 exams relatively smoothly is a great relief. This year I've developed a strange habit. After every exam I would get out of the venue as quickly as possible and preferably alone. Nothing wrong with my friends really, they're great but they always unintentionally make me depressed after every single exam because they discuss the questions. I used to like to do that in year 12 but now I hate it. It makes me feel stressed and anxious.

So what's the big deal with discussing exam questions that you've just finished doing anyway you might ask. Well, the problem is before I hear any discussion I only had an inkling that I was wrong. After I heard the discussion I know 100% sure that I was wrong. An inkling of being wrong is better than being sure in this case, trust me. I like to receive my results and go "Oh well, I guess I was wrong on question such and such" rather than sitting at home waiting for the results and trying to work out what questions I did wrong and how many more question can be wrong before I fail the freaking exam.

So I took to running off after every exam to get home and cram some more before the next exam, but that's the only thing I can do to stop myself from hearing any discussion of any kind that relates to exams. Until I can find out a way to shut my ears like I can shut my eyes that's what I'm gonna do until I graduate.

I guess I would be singing a completely different tune if I was at least a little bit competent at the subjects I'm doing. But I'm not so I'm singing this tune now: "please don't talk about the exam that I've just done near me".

I've finished more than half of my exams and I've got 4 days until the next one so I take today's evening off studying. I really should go to bed early tonight, I've been awake since 3am this morning. I usually get up early but today I got up extra early for the freaking pre-exam cram. What I found out is that when you have a panic attack you can't cram. I had one last night at 9.30 pm and everything I read went straight over my head. So I thought "what's the point? I might as well go to bed". Got up at 3 am and no panicking. Sleep really can calm you huh?