Sunday, April 20, 2008

Questions that beg for sarcastic answer

I don't know if it's just my sarcastic nature or that people generally ask me lots of questions that they don't need to ask me. If I take a while to answer your question it can be because of a few reasons (in increasing frequency order):

  1. I know the answer but I take time to answer it because that's what job interview books advise. Really, it makes you look more thoughtful and articulate. Try it sometime but be aware that you should not take too long to answer basic questions like "What's 2+2?". Taking a few seconds to answer that will make you look dumb. Unless you can come up with some philosophical view on why 4 is the answer.
  2. I know that I know the answer but I can't remember what the answer is. Hence the pause before the answer is the time for the cogs in my brain to turn to compute the answer for you. Example: "What's the side effects of Enalapril?". I have to go through all the steps that are affected by ACE inhibitors to arrive at hyperkalaemia.
  3. I don't know the answer hence I need time to make one up and appear legitimate at the same time. Example: "why did the Chinese build the great wall of China?". To keep the rabbits out of course.
  4. And last but not least the questions to which the answers are so obvious and yet the other person just had to ask me anyway. The pause before the answer is the time I take to roll my imagined/internal eyes, hold back a sarcastic answer and answer the question.
A few questions that beg for a sarcastic comment that I've got recently:

"Should I lie down if my nose bleeds?"
Obviously we have a nose-bleeds virgin here. No you stand as up right as you can until all 5L of your blood is drained through your nose.

"You got a haircut? Is it shorter?"

No it's actually longer. I don't get why people call it a "hair cut" when it's actually makes your hair longer. Ironic isn't it?

"Are we going to eat it?"
(regarding a birthday cake for Bert)
No, we're gonna put candles on it, light it up, sing the song and watch it decomposes on the table.

"Why don't you post on your blog more regularly?"

Because I have nothing to do at home, nothing at all so I use all my time to sleep and can't possibly blog.

This is why "be less sarcastic" is on my new year's resolution. It's actually on top of the resolution I set for myself everyday.

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